Letting Go

I have no idea how to describe how I feel now but I will try:

I always study, or at least I try to study, as much as I can or I need for a test or exam. Today not did I only fail my xx hours of studying I  have also failed myself. Idk what I was thinking during the test and idk why I wrote all the wrong answers when I clearly know the correct ones. It could have been the anxiety, the situation I was in and maybe the lack of time but I know I have zero excuse. It's so nerve wrecking because I know that I know my shit but I still went ahead to write all the rubbish I can't even say how disappointed I am with myself???

But as much as I am upset with myself, what's done is done and I should stop crying over spilt milk. I was whining the entire night, over dinner and even in the movies with J (we caught Maleficent bc we had nothing to do when we finished dinner at 7pm HAHA) It was good tho!! I did feel better after the movie but I can't let go the fact that I did so badly for today's paper, which brings me to a question: can we really let go?

What does letting go even suppose to mean? Tell yourself that it's ok to do badly this time and to work harder for finals, forgiving someone who hurt you or erasing that part of your life you wish didn't exist. I guess anything that allows you to be at peace, to be happy, doesn't matter whether you actually forgive/forget/erase - is reasonable.

Then again, it is difficult to let things go especially if it is something important. But is it more difficult to keep harping over it?? IDK maybe some people want hold that part of them so closely because it was/is so significant. Or perhaps it was a regret, which is a barrier now for one to live freely.

Well then maybe the first step to continue living is to let yourself go.

Writing this as i’m on my way home from date night with J ❤️

We went for Ippudo’s 1-for-1! Actually we reached mandarin gallery at about 6pm but we weren’t hungry yet so we decided to walk one round before queuing (there was no q yet) but when we walked one round and back, the q was starting! But luckily we only queued for 10 mins?? 😏 We don’t usually eat Ippudo bc it’s pretty pricey but this promotion is so worth it!! Added takoyaki for $3 but both of us didn’t feel that it’s good :( Paid $29 in total cheap thrills HAHA 

Had a 4 hour break in between lectures today so my friends and I decided to go to Amoy for the Han Kee’s fish soup! I rmb having it occasionally while I was working last time but it always has a snaking queue :( even when we reached at 1030am today there was already a queue 😅 but we started queuing at um 1115, waited for about 40 mins before getting our food! $5.50 bowl of goodness 🐠 

my precious. sometimes i feel like i really like you alot but other times i’m like omg i wanna kill you!!!! but i guess that is how it is supposed to be in a rs 🤪 thank you for being there during my downs and i hope i will have many happy things to share with you 💓

Finally friday tmr! Time to continue chasing exams :’) Week 9 and I am so drained already but I need to. keep. going.

1st

Ever since I left Dayre, I have been looking for a space to write, mostly about my mundane life hahah but if you are here, HEY i probably know you (or not) i hope you will find a little joy in what i write :-)

Celebrated Jaime’s 21st over the weekend and I am really appreciative and happy when I get to be tgt with my friends, away from school 😛 Took a break from chasing CAs but now i’m back to chasing tests after tests. But that means the semester will end in no time!!!

Also finally caught Joker with J ❤️ Such a sad, depressing movie which captures a real problem in our society. As much as I feel disturbed after watching it, I think it is because it hits me right in my face that the problem exists.